Dear
Charlie,
“And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d
understand.
When everything’s meant to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.”
I know you’ve been through a lot, Charlie. Having
no one when you’re at your lowest. So lost living a nightmare, remembering the
pain breaking you apart. Afraid of what others will think when you speak up
your mind. You don’t even know what keeps you going. Not knowing the purpose of your existence.
Happiness is so foreign you can’t tell what it means.
I know you want to be happy. To finally
find a place you could be. To be with people who you can call friends. To have
someone who will hug you, pat your back, wipe your tears and say everything
will be okay. To have people who are willing to dismiss the differences to laugh
with you.
Everyone, at some point in their lives,
will have to walk on a rocky road barefooted. “We can’t choose where we come
from, but we can choose where we go from there.” You can’t forever run away
from your problems. They will haunt you, Charlie. You have to have the courage to face
them. First is accepting that you need help. Overcoming your fears and problems
will make you stronger. But there are things you can’t do alone. Slowly, open
up. I understand that at your age, you feel less comfortable around
your parents. You feel less warmth in your relationship with them that may lead
to conflicts. But believe me, their presence is important when
you feel so low. That physical closeness – those hugs, pats on the back, and
soothing words will make you aware that they care and will be there for you. It works wonders. It won’t make you Superman
but it’s as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders. You won’t feel
alone. So, please, open up. Talk to them about the things you are comfortable telling.
Let them give you that big hug you know you want but too afraid to ask for. I
believe that change must start within the family.
You’re not alone, Charlie. There
are people who love you and will love you for who you are. You have to change
the way you see yourself. You are a
great friend and a loyal one, but you have to consider yourself – your
feelings. Remember what Sam said? “You can’t just stand there and put
everybody’s life ahead of yours and think that counts as love.”
LSD may not be addictive. But you
should still be careful especially with hash brownies. I know you do it for
recreation or just trying to overcome stress but you should not, Charlie. And please, don’t
think of hurting yourself again. That’s not the answer. Would you be able to
write a paper confirming there’s life after death? You won’t get anything out
of it. Learn to cope with stress. Write about yourself. Not necessarily another letter for
me. You can keep a journal. This may also serve as a channel for your emotions.
You love music, right? Do you know how to play a guitar or any musical
instrument? If you don’t, why don’t you try learning one? It will relieve your
stress.
I am so proud of you. I am happy now that you know
you belong somewhere. Your letters made me happy, Charlie. I’m glad to be of
any help, I didn’t do anything though. Well, I know, some believe that it is easier to talk
about certain – sometimes even personal things to a complete stranger than to a friend or family. But I still think it's better to talk to your parents and
friends. You don’t have to keep it bottled up inside. Don’t look back. Look
ahead to everything in front of you.
I will be missing your letters,
Charlie.
Love,
Dianne
Dianne
